The hubby is leaving VERY soon and I am still trying to put it all together in my head, all the while keeping this house clean and taking care of the kids...and myself. I want to run and go home but it's just best if I stay. I want him to stay here with us, but it's better if he goes. I'm just so afraid of many things right now. I don't know if I can hold my own while he's gone, I don't know if I can be the mother my kids deserve while mourning his leaving, I don't know if I'm going to go back to my old ways and just cry all day long while things need to get done.

I think if I were in the states, being alone for a deployment would be a lot different but by being in a foreign country, it makes things that much harder.

Do I have friends here that can be supportive and help me through this? Maybe...but true friends, No. The way things go around here, it's like the buddy system. Everyone sticks to one other person and that's it...there's no room for a 3rd, 4th or 5th person. Just 2. I hate the whole "clique" mentality here, it's just retarded if you ask me. And oh, a lot of wives here are such backstabbers, it's fucking ridiculous. Like are we still in high school? Yeah, well that's how you act.

But besides that, baby is doing great. About 3 months left and little Kyan will be here. :)